The Joy of Feedback

I am sorry to report that I spent some of this lovely summer weekend stewing about a trivial and poorly delivered piece of feedback. I discovered it during a quick visit to my work email account on Saturday and couldn’t quite get it out of my head. (Maybe the lesson here is actually: stay off your work email on weekends.)

Back in college I was an outdoor education instructor–rock-climbing and camping and such. Outdoor educators are a singularly warm, nurturing and process-oriented bunch, and they taught me several important lessons about feedback that I have carried with me.

Upon reflection, these principles are applicable in other arenas too.

1. It must be consensual. Uninvited critical feedback will pretty much always be interpreted as an act of aggression. The purpose of feedback is to help someone grow. They can’t do that if they’re on the defensive. Constructive feedback is a delicate process and should be undertaken with care and respect, and only when all parties are in the mood.
2. There’s more to it than the climax. Good feedback isn’t just about dropping in and delivering a revolutionary insight on someone’s behavior or performance.  You have to work up to it, and you shouldn’t cut and run afterward. The G-rated outdoor-ed folks call this a feedback sandwich. You can call it what you like. But start out with something appreciative and genuine, do the deed, and then give it some nice satisfying closure. Needless to say, this is more likely to go well when you’re not in a rush and can give it your full attention.
3. It takes two to tango. If you expect to give feedback you have to be willing to accept it too. That’s how the game is played.

Here is a link to a good and thorough article about feedback in a work context, if you’re interested.